I forgave you already

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To : People in my life (with or without intention)

Far did you know how much I was hurting. Despite how wrong I was or how right I supposed to be, you decided to disregard my feelings. You didn't acknowledge how hurt I was then. Or how mean you were. You were too submerged in the action of proving that I was wrong. Or proving you were right. Good news; you won.

I have accumulated all those feelings, the sad ones into this heart. I know I once have a big heart but I'm afraid to be aware of how tiny it has become. I'm afraid that I'm slowly becoming a small, disregarded creature. I don't like myself now because I know I have been better.

I know I have all the capabilities to grow. I know. GOD, I KNOW.  I'm fully aware of that. I have just grown too scared to move and improve because of those mistakes. Also, I might have been too dependent on many people.

I don't blame you. It's so shallow of me to put a blame on you. You were just superior to me at that time as I was left speechless.

Don't make decisions for me anymore, please. I really want to make my own mistakes and learn from them (though I already made many). Honestly, I can't distant myself from people like you. I may look and seem tiny now but leave me spaces to regain myself back. I need some refreshments and a period to heal. Let me take my time.

I promise to be back boldly. Better than  how I used to be. I won't be quick in judging anymore.  I won't be scared and scarred any longer. I won't be easily influenced and stepped on. I won't be as shallow as you. I'll learn to decide what's best for me. I want to be strong in my actions. I'll find the right in all wrongs. I hope I will be fond of subjectivity, positivity and compassion. Worry not, I won't be like you.

Anyhow, I forgive you.

P/s : Tears no more.

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