Mencari Katarsis

Assalamualaikum. Kalu diikutkan, tahun lepas dah ada Selamat segalanya yang aku tulis. X tau nk tulis apa pulak tahun ni. I'll think of something later. Anyhow, happy 19th birthday Zuriani. You're getting old. Think more wisely, okay?   p/s : amboi, lepas je pukui 12 dah call aku. time kasih bro. sayang ko ekeke *muntah hehe

It has been a long time since I last spoke my heart out. I was pretty messed up recently. Someone messed up my mind actually. I keep thinking about what's right and what's wrong. Where have I lost my mind? What happened to me? I learned something useful a few days ago. If you can't resist something, avoid doing it. Life is a challenge and you are battling yourself, realise it or not. I am distancing myself from those who seek nothing but pleasure from others. So, cooperate with me. Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Berkuasa, sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang, ampunkan aku. p/s : we have friends after all.

challenge me. I have my pride.  promise me stupid trashes. You're untrustworthy.  force me. I'm not a toy. take me like a fool. You don't know me yet. make me believe your words. I'm not dumb. approach me with bad intentions. I'm now afraid of you. discourage me. I have my own secure beliefs.   You underestimated me. You see, one day, one day.

When you're forced to do things you don't want to do and to say things you don't want to say, you will feel hopeless. You'll feel the whole damn world is against you; in fact disagrees with you. Adding to that, no one else knows how you feel and feels how you feel. Frankly and honestly speaking, some people only know how to get angry and put the blame on your face. Neither they help to solve the matter nor they know to at least stay quiet. What a wonderful world and wonderful people in it. What you have are just the good memories of the past and the regrets of the present. You know, to hope for anything in the future is a pain in the ass. Come to think of it, time lies and that makes you and I live in a huge circle of lies. Again, what a great world! Somehow, you feel the world is better off without those people. What you do not know, or notice, the whole world is actually better off without you. p/s : hasbiyallahuwani'malwakiil

I went to the school today. Man, I'll stop coming to school. The last time I came I promised not to be there again. Why? Because it brings back those damn freaking old memories. Those damn freaking old memories you have when you and your friends were sitting in a circle, talking and laughing and those damn freaking old memories of you and your friends enjoying school life. And it puts me in despair whenever I remember those memories. Worse, it makes me feel devastated realizing they were all in the past, realizing you wouldn't get a second chance to do those amazing things you did in school ever again. And also, realizing you'd forget some of those memories or not be able to recapture the moments back. It breaks my heart knowing we will not have those kinds of laughter most of the time again. It really does. p/s : the past sucks, the future sucks more

Life has never been this good, as by my side she always stood. I've known her for quite long, long enough to sing the same song. With joy and laughter to portray, I know we would be very gay. Although life at times is full of lies, we speak the truth in our eyes. She's not that kind of girl, who cries at every swirl. She may seem hard on the outside, but she never confides, put that aside. Maybe she missed her luck thrice, all I know it's not fair at dice. Concerned of others, she is, whenever I need, she'd assist. She taught me to be strong, also to claim where I belong. Told you I got your back, so don't be afraid and just act. To separate in the future we may, we'll be together at hearts anyway. A five-years promise to hold, for my life to take control. Never did I think, we would be this charming hikhik . gaspard and lisa wakaka p/s : my best friend :)

My best friend just went far away, to find peace I would say. She got on the plane, as of nothing to explain. She was on 8 hours of flight, without any feelings of fright. She is ought to be brave, as she is no person's slave. She went to perform her 'ibadah, as it would strengthen her 'aqidah. One day I hope we could go together, at a place which offers some things better. She is called my best friend, as she would hear and understand. She doesn't even judge, so I gave her a simple trust. To love her for who she is, it is such a perfect bliss. Come back with time to spare, for I have tons of stories to share. Though we will part on some other day, I hope for now we could stay. p/s : wah dari mana datangnya ilham ni hikhik *kalo mase ko blk nnti, ko dpt baca post ni sebelum ditenggelamkan oleh posts lain yang akan dtg, i don't know what to say yoo hahahah

Ye, Alhamdulillah. Fuhh, banyak perkara nak disyukurkan ni :) Pertamanya, Alhamdulillah sebab masih bernafas lagi hari ni. Tu satu (baru satu) . Kedua, Alhamdulillah sebab sudah lulus ujian hikhik. Ketiga, Alhamdulillah sebab result minggu depan. Keempat, Alhamdulillah sebab dah ada kerja super-part-time (super sebab memang terlampau part-time) . Kelima, Alhamdulillah sebab ada keluarga yang lengkap. Keenam, Alhamdulillah sebab kawan2 yang mengambil berat hihi. Ketujuh, Alhamdulillah sebab dah habis sekolah hahah. Sebenarnya, banyak lagi nak disyukurkan. Ini sekerat dua saja. Tempoh tiga bulan melangok duduk rumah sebenarnya membuatkan aku banyak berfikir. Dan, setiap kali aku berfikir tu, aku mesti, selalunya, pasti dan akan simpulkan dengan "Wah, betapa tak produktif dan progresifnya hidup masa kini!". Aku rasa macam hidup tak ada matlamat sedangkan matlamat hidup itu aku akui, memang aku tahu. Jadi, Alhamdulillah sebab result minggu depan. Lepas result, sama ada aku dapat ...

technology hunters :) Wahh!! Dia nak buat wishlist lah HAHAHAH Sori, ada orang hidup pada zaman batu, baru sekarang nak buat wishlist :P #1 Lumix GF2 nak GF2 bukan GF3.. kenapa? sebab GF2 mahal sket HAHAHAH #2 Samsung Galaxy S2 iPhone boleh jalan wakaka #3 Lenovo IdeaPad U1 Hybrid kau ade? siang laptop, malam tablet hahahah HAHAHAHH. Jom berangan ;)

techno world :) When it comes to new year resolution, there are just so many things to talk about. And of course, needs and desires are important. For the moment, let's don't talk about desires. Actually, I don't have money, so I can't have any desires. I'd noted this; desires come after money. 2012 will lead me to my future. Whatever lies ahead, I'll face it with great expectations (ayat bajet bro). Anyway, I'll make sure I'll step into a college or a university this year. I'll accept any kinds of scholarship or apply any kinds of loan for that. Yes, that pathetic. And that desperate. What?! I'm not a bank -_- I feel so old saying I'll be 18 in seven months. My regret in school is "Why didn't I be cooler senior?". Is that a regret? No, no hahaha. It's just that "Why didn't I have more memories?". More memories such that "Why didn't I be great at sports?" and "Why didn't I have excellent ...

techno world :) At this very moment, in an hour 2011 is just a memory. A memory I will treasure till my last breath. There were the days when I was just hoping to have another minute in my life, another second. Time passes rapidly and in a blink of an eye, here we are, fighting for another round. Do you know in this huge circle of life, lies dozens of tiny circles that keep repeating themselves? I don't expect to see anything or experience anything twice but referring to what I said, things keep repeating. Everything changes, though. The seasons changes, climate changers, weather changes, things change and the utmost important is, people change. I am definitely not the same person you know a decade ago, five years ago, last year and even yesterday. In an hour, I am officially no longer a high school student. What I can tell is life in school taught me to be a tougher person. I'm really going to miss all the laughter, smiles and tears, of course. This was the place I learned to ...

technology hunters :) Haha. Siapalah aku nak bercakap tentang sastera? Aku dan sastera ibarat langit dengan bumi dan ibarat hiperbola yang maknanya begitu mendalam sampaikan aku sendiri tak tahu cara hendak menyampaikan makna zahirnya itu. Aku bukan orang sastera. Aku buat sastera pun tahap cikai. Dan aku rasa, kalau A. Samad Said baca hasil tulisan aku, dia hanya mampu gelak. Tapi aku harap dia gelak pun, gelak sikit je lah. Terasa gila babeng aku nanti hahahah. Okeh, btb. Baru2 ni aku tengok dalam surat khabar ada Perhimpunan Penulis Muda Nasional. Dengan iri hatinya aku selak muka sebelah dan aku lupakan angan2 mat jenin yang terlintas di otak aku saat itu. Aku tak nafikan aku sememangnya minat akan sastera. Tapi bezanya ialah aku hanya menulis, bukan berkarya. Aku mahu jugak satu hari nanti aku dapat berkarya ataupun bersastera. Hasil tulisan aku sekarang hanyalah sekadar satu, dua dan tiga baris ayat dan satu dan dua rangkap puisi. Haih. Aku nak pergi mencari ilham lagi. Ada sesia...

technology hunters :) So, how are you doing all these days? Aku dah mati kutu walaupun baru empat hari selepas kertas terakhir yang juga kertas feveret aku. Let me make up my promise. Inilah lagi 5 perkara aku akan / sedang lakukan selepas SPM. 6. Makan maggi Memakan, mengunyah dan menghadam maggi merupakan satu nikmat, tahukah anda? Aku berhenti makan maggi dalam bulan dua ke bulan tiga haritu. Orang rumah ni masak maggi sedap2, ada telur dan siap masak atas dapur lagi. Haritu aku terfikir, "Botak-botaklah asal dapat makan". Hahah. Tapi sekarang bila tengok maggi dah tak berminat pulaks. Haih -_- 7. Craft Bende ni sekadar nak isi masa lapang lah. Aku tak tahu lah apa nak buat tiga bulan lagi ni. Jadi haritu aku ada buat bende ni letak kat phone extreme close-up hahah 8. Pergi buat sukan ekstrem Sukan ekstrem ni seperti bungee jumping, sky diving, daki bukit ke. Tapi nak kena jadi kaya dulu lah hahah. 9. Pergi joging Ha, joging bukan sukan ekstrem. Tahun ini aku makan banyak....

hai techno world :) Jadi, tak perlu nak bagi tau spm berapa hari lagi. Kalau cakap je benda ni dekat mana2 budak form 5, free2 kena sepak hahah. Okeh, ini ialah 'I-WILL-DO list' bukan 'I-WANT list' hahahah. 1. Marathon tidur. Yang ni sehari cukuplah. Tidur lama2 buat ape. Buang mase I je *shahrin hahah 2. Drama Korea Lantak lah apa2 drama. Asalkan drama hihi 3. Go backpacking / traveling. Ha yang ni dah ada satu trip pegi Melaka ngan kawan2 yang amat disayangi. Kita pegi backpacking pulak nanti ye :) 4. Carik kerja Ececeh bajet dah graduate wakaka. Ni dah plan2 ngan Izzati hahah. Aku suka duit. Jadi equation dia macam ni > 1kerja + 1usaha = 9999duit 5. Sleepover Ni dah kautim ngan Ain. Splats pun mari2. Settle man! Baiklah. Selepas spm, aku tambah lagi 5. *Wish me luck for straight As. Thank you :) p/s : jumpa lagi selepas periksa.

technology hunters :) Yes. Kenapa perlu skeptikal? Penat aku dengan skeptikalisme kau. Pernah dengar tak ayat ni > "Masalahnya, kita hendak memberi pendapat tetapi tidak mahu dikritik" . Memang. Masalah rumah, masalah taman, masalah bandar, masalah negeri, masalah negara. Masalah besar . Masalah nilah yang membuatkan otak kita sempit fikiran kita tak berkembang. Pendapat dan idea bernas yang kau mampu fikirkan tu kau simpan, kau tanam dalam-dalam sebab kau tak nak atau takut orang gelakkan kau. Kan? Lek ah. Aku pun berfikiran macam tu. Tapi, kalau kita fikir dalam-dalam balik, ape yang kita buat tu salah sebenarnya. Macam mana sesuatu itu nak dijalankan dengan progresif agar dapat hasil yang produktif kalau kita tak kreatif dan inovatif? Kan? Sama jugak dengan apa yang kita lakukan. Kan? Tidak bererti jika kita buat sesuatu yang baik, kita baik sebaik-baiknya. Dan tidak bererti juga jika kita buat sesuatu yang jahat atau tidak elok, kita ni jahat sejaha...

technology hunters :) hihihi :D besok ada hari koperasi @ hari kantin. rasa pelik kalau sebut hari koperasi. xsyok hahah. ni hari kantin last kitorg :} dan besok last bertugas untuk program rasmi hahah. lepas ni xde dah. mak ai. camne lah hidup nnti hahah ----------------------------------------------- aku cuma nak list-kan some situations yang memorable untuk aku :) bila aku : balik tusyen malam, dan bapak aku jemput, dia mesti bukak tingkap. aku dapat rasa angin malam mengusap2 mukaku kahkah. bila dah dekat nak sampai rumah aku tu, lagipun dah malam kan, x aku mengantuk, bapak aku lah. waktu tu kete cam dah slow dan mula memasuki lane kanan hahah. aku pun terpikir "abah, kite bukan kat amerika :O". nasib baik belakang xde kete hahah. tapi syok~ bila aku : terpaksa tunggu orang lama, lagi2 kat mall, aku akan menghabiskan duit. sincerely, aku ni jenis yang xreti nk shopping2 bagai. aku mane reti nak beli2, borak2 ngan org tu, tanye bape hengget semua. hish malas aku. baik a...

yeh techno-techno :) yes, Julai nak datang lagi! aku tak terkata2. hahahah xde lah terlampau banyak nak diperkatakan. my favorite, most awaited time of the year. tapi malang tidak berbau (xde kena-mengena), bulan depan banyak pulak event. first sekali, hari aku hihihi. pastu bersara. kahkah macam dah lama keje pulak hahah. lagi ade repot kad. mak oi yang dahsyat sekali bulan ni sampai bulan depan cikgu2 semua bagai nak rak berpusu2 nak habihkan silibus hahah. siap dah book lepas sekolah nk buat kelas. bertindih2 lah lepas chemist, fizik. lepas fizik ape lah bagai. tapi, tu semua x penting (ye ke? tipu je) terlebih penting sebenarnya. dan aku rasa aku akan mula menjauhkan diri drpd setan internet ni. lepas SPaM, aku sambunglah balik hahah. aim aku sekarang ni trial. yang aku tau, by any means, trial aku kene at least 7, 8 A. SPaM xyah ckp lah. bende yg memfrustkan aku dari dulu sampai sekarang add maths. aku ingat aku kene carik taiko add maths kat sekolah pastu nak mintak die tolong. a...

technology hunters :) So, i've reached my 100th post. yeh yeh :} Yes, currently finding for an inspiration. Why? I am off the path. Need to get on the right track again. The world is too harsh. What do you expect when things we have been achieving are not enough satisfying for some people? Anyway, I'll be on hiatus. Don't miss me :P See you :]

technology hunters :) it's been a while. i just needed time to let go my feelings and emotions after the camp. i was completely mixed up. happy, relieved, sad, angry, but mostly devastated. i was in despair. but, alhamdulillah, i am satisfied now. okeh, anyway, i'm done about the camp. so let's close the chapter. weirdly, these few days, i really felt some kind of feelings that i, myself could not express it through words. so let the pictures tell the thousand words. sometimes, i just feel that i have high hopes. maybe i am right. i depend on some people too much. i much likely needed someone, anyone to be by my side at a particular moment. i can't go on alone. i need an ear to listen to me, an eye to watch me and maybe a voice to tell me some things i already know. so from this right moment, i have decided that i can stand on my own feet now. i can walk straight now. i'm not scared of the future anymore. i'll face whatever to come. never mind, you can let go of...