Mencari Katarsis

Of all the moments I had hoped to be beside you, yesterday was the strongest. You, my best friend, are the most contented person I have ever known my entire life. I wish for serenity to surround you and grief to reside in the deepest ocean of your heart. Do not forget or even try to. It was a beautiful memory and a heartfelt presence. I have all my love for you; anytime, any circumstances and free of charge for I know more than anything that you would definitely, undoubtedly do the same for me too.

Assalamualaikum. 7th December has passed. Three persons close to me were born on this day. Now, I am going to talk about one. He is different. He has a soft heart. He always reminds me the importance of family relationship although in the past some relatives only looked for him when they needed money. He didn't mind though. He teaches me English in the most indirect way. I listened to him talking to his friends in English and I wondered, how can I ever acquire his fluency and vocabulary? I hope it runs in the blood. He provides endless support. He wants me to acknowledge where I stand and not lower my standards. This is the one thing I recently learnt about him. He is the critique. He may be bold, too bold at times to leave me teary but God knows he only demands the best. I love him deeply half a century apart.

Assalamualaikum. Even though it has been a few months since we parted, I know you were waiting for our return patiently. Things were very hard these few months. However, realising the fact that you were with me through those ups and downs, I felt at ease. This letter will be filled with a bunch of 'I's and 'You's. In this world of 'I's and 'You's, I'd like you to know I absolutely enjoyed our time together. Sometimes, when there was too much of 'I's, I did try to allow some 'You's. I adore you at the times when you didn't know what to do and how to do things but in the end, you finished the task perfectly. You are far more capable than what you imagined. Just so you know, you're brilliant and you deserve to feel brilliant. I hope you find your way no matter what. I know you will, I'm telling you just so you know. Whenever you feel lost, I'd like you to remember that you've saved my phone number years ago and i...

In one of the busiest cities in the world, I felt delighted, calm and secured. To have rested my head on your shoulder, I felt at ease. Another friend by my side, I felt blessed. A big journey on the go, I felt adventurous. A moment of a lifetime, I felt deserved. P/s : London did justice.

Assalamualaikum. I love you. So much that I expected you to be by my side all the time. So much that I expected you to support me all the time. So much that I disregarded that you have a mind and feeling of your own.    We have been friends for 5 years now. I hope we stay this way forever. I like it when you make me think of situations rationally. You have always had your way out of difficult situations. And I have always looked upon you for that. Forgive me for the things I did and words I said that caused you displeasure. Those either voluntary or involuntary deliberate actions won't matter now because they were all in the past. I really hope you succeed in your future rush. I know you are indeed capable and brilliant so please have it your way. You are a beautiful being and more ladylike than you imagined.  Let's continue making memories. Love, Syzurya In between Ireland and England skies, 29 April 2017.

Assalamualaikum. Dear best friend, I hope one day you will read this. On this fine day, I hope things are going well for you. I hope your life is on track and you find what you have been looking for. I hope you are surrounded with happiness and feel content by doing the things you love. Little did you know that you are a great friend to me and your presence is what I value the most. You have taught me, mentored me, consulted me and been there when I needed a friend. We may differ in genders and interests but you know, I found our common points slipping through. You were the one who told and reminded me of what was right and what was wrong. Despite your tone and way of speaking, I understood and took it as a way of you saying you appreciated and love me as your friend. We argued a lot and I will miss those times. As I get to know you more, I am slowly feeling sad realising the fact that we will soon part to our own destiny. I must say right now, I will feel empty not having you aro...

To : People in my life (with or without intention) Far did you know how much I was hurting. Despite how wrong I was or how right I supposed to be, you decided to disregard my feelings. You didn't acknowledge how hurt I was then. Or how mean you were. You were too submerged in the action of proving that I was wrong. Or proving you were right. Good news; you won. I have accumulated all those feelings, the sad ones into this heart. I know I once have a big heart but I'm afraid to be aware of how tiny it has become. I'm afraid that I'm slowly becoming a small, disregarded creature. I don't like myself now because I know I have been better. I know I have all the capabilities to grow. I know. GOD, I KNOW.  I'm fully aware of that. I have just grown too scared to move and improve because of those mistakes. Also, I might have been too dependent on many people. I don't blame you. It's so shallow of me to put a blame on you. You were just superior to me at tha...

Dear, best friend. I know you're trying to run, From the one big bug, You have forever shun. But best friend, I know it's hard for me to understand A fact that is beyond my grasp So please, let me know before hand I'll comprehend with the harsh rasp. If ever you decided to stay, Despite your loss of face, Can you just ignore any fay, I will help you find the pace. You are honestly earnest, If ever you feel hurt, Fear not, my dearest, Love is to be remembered. Let us go through a journey, Where we will find ourselves, Unaware of how tiny, We have been in the life shelves. P/s : Lucky you, you've got a taste on what love is.   

Benarkan aku berbicara Untuk malam ini sahaja. Berseorangan Tahun-tahun yang berlalu Waktu kita masih samar-samar Tentang apa yang bakal berlaku Hari esok Aku perhati Kau sentiasa di situ Menantikan kelopak Zulaikha Gugur di atas riba Mungkin aku naif Akan erti hibamu ketika itu Namun, sayangku, Sudahlah, Aku siapkan bahu ini untukmu. Kesatlah air mata dan keringat Kaca ini yang selalu di sini Pinta dianggap bak sebutir permata Ironi sekali. ------------------ Is it weird for me to think that no matter how differently you and I see things, we always concluded them in a similar way? P/s : Chances, dear. Just let me have one already.

A rainbow emerged after the rain. It was a very beautiful one. It has colours so vibrant that it stood out leaving the clear blue sky behind as a backdrop. This rainbow brings out light and it lit up the entire hemisphere. The spectrum of colours in the rainbow greatly respects the law of extraction. It was a colourful view to everyone's eyes. Nothing actually detained the rainbow. It must come out, eventually. It has been anticipating for the rain to stop. It has to be here after the rain. What you did not notice is the coming of this rainbow. Nobody saw it coming. Every soul was too submerged into the thought of rain and storm. The rain was surely, unexplainably terrible.   P/s : At one point, I was honestly very happy for you. To think that I could become this is an accomplishment for me.

"How can I move on, when I'm still in love with you?" I was confused, this is not love. This is not how love is supposed to be. Who says love is going to hurt? Love is supposed to heal, not adding to the wound. I reckon I don't get the love in your definition In your specification It is my intervention Now it is a clarification That this is a sacrification. This is not a love poem It is a sign of vengeance To you Within my silence.

Benarkan aku berbicara Untuk malam ini sahaja. Langkah yang kau tidak ambil awal hari itu Mula menunjukkan kesan hari ini Maka hadapilah dengan tenang dan berani, Jiwa muda. ----------- I saw the look in your eyes You were hell frightened Forgive me for this mistake We are about to commit I am diffident to ask of your favour Please be here when I lead this mistake Your presence is all that keeps me going. P/s : It's saddening when people would not give you a second chance. I truly feel everyone deserves a second chance to fix their mistake.

A flower is certainly beautiful It mesmerizes your sight The astonishing colours draw attention That strong stalk holds a significant beauty What I could not imagine When your fingers break the stalk I heard soft voices Saddening The petals wilt from devastation It is surely a hideous event When you don't know The pain and effort Of putting up a beauty pageant Or you don't really care Actually As a single look from you Instantly destroys an infinite joy Heedless jerk!

Assalamualaikum. I hope it's not burdening you To tell me The slightest reason for This heartbreaking event Rip my heart apart Tear my world into bits Throw rants on me Spit on my words Make me realise If ever my actions Hurt and harmed you I just need an explaination For this heartbreaking event.

Assalamualaikum. I have questions just for you. So please, mind my curiousity. Did you see the moon tonight? Did the moon shine? Did the moon appear fully? Or did you only see half of the moon? Did the moon waited for you the whole night? Did the moon come out right after dusk? Did the moon come out earlier than you? Did you feel eager to see the moon? Or did the moon feel eager to see you? Did the moon feel lonely tonight? Did the moon had no company? Did you feel lonely as much as the moon did? Have you heard the moon cried? If you had, you'd never hear me in despair. Now, did you see the moon tonight? P/s : owl.

Assalamualaikum. I am not blind nor I am deaf I see all; I see you I hear all; I hear you But it puts me in despair realizing long after we had been bearing agony both in our hearts. I, I noticed I was shadowed by your figure that I saw none but you and I am still seeing you We were all living in denial I have no solution for this confusion adding to this burden, aren't there enough pain? Should i just stay numb? ------------- Anyway, I'm considering of deleting this blog and making a new one. Still considering. Hmmm.   P/s : aku dapat aku tarah sorang-sorang.

Assalamualaikum. These are my perspectives. At this moment, I ignore yours. Today, I watched a great father and a great mother fell. They are my uncle and aunt and I love them. I have many questions. I'd really like you to read attentively. When you do, you know that you already have the answers. As always, these are not the only answers.   You know why Allah created us humans?   You know why Allah gave us parents? You know why Rasulullah asked us to follow his sunnah?  Allah created us humans in order to be a khalifah. A leader on the land which He created. A leader in an urge to lead himself before he is ought to be capable of leading others. Of course, he should lead to the path of success. Allah gave us parents because He wants to show a khalifah has responsibilities. Thus, he is responsible of himself and the persons who raised him to become a person. Rasulullah asked us to follow his sunnah not on the purpose of making us become like him. We can ...

Assalamualaikum. How I wish; someone  calls me out of sudden makes light jokes carves smile on my face. How I wish; we'd laugh sincerely cry wholeheartedly speak up truly. How I wish; you get what I'm thinking without me  trying to explain anything. How I wish; I could stop stirring me up. How I wish; be it to care be it  to listen I did not because simply you did not. How I wish; earlier, I knew. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you. But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

"Love is for the way you look at me". Who am I, to speak of love? I know very little of love for I have never known love before. Thus, should I not speak of it? Should I keep silent of it? Oh, dear, tell me. What should I do? Have I had any knowledge of love? Have I had ever notice love? There would be noes. Am I incapable when it comes to love? Am I astound? Why oh why? Dear, tell me why. Has love come and approach me? If ever so, tell me. Where do these butterflies come from? And these sunflowers, why do they bloom in such sudden? Tell me. Where do these feelings aroused from? Why do I keep being intrigued? This confusion leads me to no solution!   Decline it, I shall. For I have never known love before. Oh, forgive me, but I shall never speak of love!

Who are thou, not allowing me to spread my wings and fly away? You are being ridiculous. You amuse me with that narrow-scoped, circular-shaped undeveloped mass of soft grey matter in you. Be it the truth or just a lie, you will never control me. Not a chance.  Go away with your warm words.  You arouse anger in me. I am free, and always will be.