Posts

5 Years Later

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  Hi. 9.44 p.m. It has been a heavy day for me. Blog, I haven't seen you for years. I suddenly felt the urge to scroll over and write. I know no one would be reading and hence, this is a very safe space for me. Bear with me, would you please? Over the past 5 years, I have moved jobs, towns, and houses. The talks about establishing a corporate career seriously bore me. I am not interested in it at all. "Go climb your greasy ladder," as what Rosie shouted in Love, Rosie. Took up hiking in recent years. Hiked 8 mountains now plus 13 hills and 3 trails. Still looking for a place to call home though.  Life has been wobbly. Ohh, I tasted love. Blog, I've tasted love. Can you imagine?! I yearned for it years back and The Almighty granted it. Alhamdulillah. All I can say is Alhamdulillah. Might not be the ending I expected but one thing I failed to see (over many, indeed) is how I am surrounded by His mercy all along. He granted my prayers, oh He did.  Learning a part of your...
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2 years later

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 I forgot how to write. I always wrote as if someone is reading. Now I know no one is reading, let me just pour it all out. I am so unsure of someone now. Is this the right person or am I being delusional?  My best friend keeps saying "Don't settle for less" but how do I know if it's less, enough or just what I needed? I pray hard so that if this is right, be close and if it isn't, stay far.  P/s: So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
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How shallow can I be? Very.

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Today, I finally noticed something. Actually, someone and some people. I'd like to make this post short so here is a list of things I noticed today at last. 1. Someone had been trying hard to get my attention since a few months ago. 2. Some gestures and talks are hard for me to understand, especially when they are shadowed by emojis. 3. If I don't make a step, I might not get something or someone. Simple. 4. I finally understand why some relationships couldn't connect. There is no spark. 5. We can casually talk about missing each other but there is always a thin line that separates the friendship boundary.  6. As a person who was given too much hints, I am on the shallow side. 7. As a person giving quite many hints, I am on the afraid-I-might-get-hurt side. 8. I used to catch up quickly but as I recently put on my ignorant attitude as a shield, I don't focus on complicated stuff. 9. I still haven't totally figured myself out. 10. My self esteem...
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Back in Klang

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I went back to Klang. Today is my first day. "First day blues," my father said. 3 months ago I was always avoiding the question of whether I wanted to come back. I thought of this as the last resort. Indeed, this is it and I couldn't deny that I need the money. I couldn't contribute financially to the house so I tried contributing in a different way. Tiring but home is where the heart is. So, on my first day, the first few hours were inviting. I started worrying if I was making a wrong decision by coming back. I had breakfast with the office staffs. They knew I was coming. Some of them kept on bantering about some trouble they were having with the regulations and some were just showing attitude. Come on, it was only my first day. I talked to my boss later on. He asked me if I had already signed my contract in which I said the HR apparently was still waiting for approval. As expected of her. He then mentioned about all the issues we both faced. The inefficiency o...
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Quarter a century

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Assalamualaikum. I am writing a compulsary yearly post of 10th of July. I am now quarter a century old. Homies made a sweet celebration for me and a friend who happened to be born on July too. They spread a mat on a sandy beach, brought home-cooked food and two cakes. It was a small gathering of six equipped with lots of laughters. It was perfect. Now, serious questions about to flood in. What have I done for the past 25 years? What have I achieved? Sadly, I cannot answer those questions now. I am now unemployed, resigned from two jobs and currently just doing part-time tutoring. On top of that, I barely have any savings left. I am so afraid. I've tossed worry aside. I am genuinely afraid now. I don't know whether my plans will work out the way it's supposed to be because for the past two months, they didn't. I don't know where have I gone wrong. Oh, wait. I think I know. I wasn't ready. Was I ready? I have this feeling, an assurance that things will w...
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May was a total disaster

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In the period of one month, I sent two resignation letters to two different companies. Never have I ever dreamed of accepting an offer and letting it go as soon as three weeks. I never regret my decision. "I didn't leave a shithole to enter another," I monologued. The situation there was undescribable. Till now, I do not know how to explain what happened to me and how I was treated there. The details are now as blurry as my view during my teary drive back home from work. They even let me leave in less than 24 hours. Yes, I'm going to write that.  After I left, a few people still called me. They ranted to me about the issues they faced everyday and how people were sacked too. Of course, they deserved it. But I didn't pick up the latest call; I just think I've had enough and I don't want to hear it anymore. Anyway, I still need to write this down here so that I remember. I'm starting to forget it as June passes by. Also, some of the motivatio...
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Final week

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It's my final week in Klang. I stayed here for almost a year and a half. I know I'm going to cry when I leave this place. For five days, my boss asked me to stay. He told me that he envisioned me taking over the handling of major stuff in time. "But you have to stay," he said. "It's stable here, almost 20 years in business. After a few months, you can come back. We'll keep your desk. You'll never know what will happen there. Maybe they will close after 6 months." Despite my enraging temper, I smiled at him and muttered "Okay, sir." I vowed never to come back. I will not return to this place. I've had it. People can be replaced no matter whatever sweet words the company shower us with. Keep some doubts in and just be honest. However you do it, be bold for yourself. I'm going to get over this soon. P/s : Looking forward for some challenges now.
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