How shallow can I be? Very.

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Today, I finally noticed something. Actually, someone and some people. I'd like to make this post short so here is a list of things I noticed today at last.

1. Someone had been trying hard to get my attention since a few months ago.
2. Some gestures and talks are hard for me to understand, especially when they are shadowed by emojis.
3. If I don't make a step, I might not get something or someone. Simple.
4. I finally understand why some relationships couldn't connect. There is no spark.
5. We can casually talk about missing each other but there is always a thin line that separates the friendship boundary. 
6. As a person who was given too much hints, I am on the shallow side.
7. As a person giving quite many hints, I am on the afraid-I-might-get-hurt side.
8. I used to catch up quickly but as I recently put on my ignorant attitude as a shield, I don't focus on complicated stuff.
9. I still haven't totally figured myself out.
10. My self esteem level has decreased, my confidence is fading and my passion is drying out.

What do you see in a person that makes you like them? I am so curious of this extraordinary mystery but I think I know the answer.

I have a feeling that I don't deserve to feel love. There is nothing in me for people to see. Is that true? Now, trauma sucks big time. 

Over time, I really wish I can fix this.


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