Mencari Katarsis

I went back to Klang. Today is my first day. "First day blues," my father said. 3 months ago I was always avoiding the question of whether I wanted to come back. I thought of this as the last resort. Indeed, this is it and I couldn't deny that I need the money. I couldn't contribute financially to the house so I tried contributing in a different way. Tiring but home is where the heart is. So, on my first day, the first few hours were inviting. I started worrying if I was making a wrong decision by coming back. I had breakfast with the office staffs. They knew I was coming. Some of them kept on bantering about some trouble they were having with the regulations and some were just showing attitude. Come on, it was only my first day. I talked to my boss later on. He asked me if I had already signed my contract in which I said the HR apparently was still waiting for approval. As expected of her. He then mentioned about all the issues we both faced. The inefficiency o...

Assalamualaikum. I am writing a compulsary yearly post of 10th of July. I am now quarter a century old. Homies made a sweet celebration for me and a friend who happened to be born on July too. They spread a mat on a sandy beach, brought home-cooked food and two cakes. It was a small gathering of six equipped with lots of laughters. It was perfect. Now, serious questions about to flood in. What have I done for the past 25 years? What have I achieved? Sadly, I cannot answer those questions now. I am now unemployed, resigned from two jobs and currently just doing part-time tutoring. On top of that, I barely have any savings left. I am so afraid. I've tossed worry aside. I am genuinely afraid now. I don't know whether my plans will work out the way it's supposed to be because for the past two months, they didn't. I don't know where have I gone wrong. Oh, wait. I think I know. I wasn't ready. Was I ready? I have this feeling, an assurance that things will w...

In the period of one month, I sent two resignation letters to two different companies. Never have I ever dreamed of accepting an offer and letting it go as soon as three weeks. I never regret my decision. "I didn't leave a shithole to enter another," I monologued. The situation there was undescribable. Till now, I do not know how to explain what happened to me and how I was treated there. The details are now as blurry as my view during my teary drive back home from work. They even let me leave in less than 24 hours. Yes, I'm going to write that.  After I left, a few people still called me. They ranted to me about the issues they faced everyday and how people were sacked too. Of course, they deserved it. But I didn't pick up the latest call; I just think I've had enough and I don't want to hear it anymore. Anyway, I still need to write this down here so that I remember. I'm starting to forget it as June passes by. Also, some of the motivatio...

It's my final week in Klang. I stayed here for almost a year and a half. I know I'm going to cry when I leave this place. For five days, my boss asked me to stay. He told me that he envisioned me taking over the handling of major stuff in time. "But you have to stay," he said. "It's stable here, almost 20 years in business. After a few months, you can come back. We'll keep your desk. You'll never know what will happen there. Maybe they will close after 6 months." Despite my enraging temper, I smiled at him and muttered "Okay, sir." I vowed never to come back. I will not return to this place. I've had it. People can be replaced no matter whatever sweet words the company shower us with. Keep some doubts in and just be honest. However you do it, be bold for yourself. I'm going to get over this soon. P/s : Looking forward for some challenges now.

I thought for a long time about this. Whose prayer was it that made my wish granted? Who was the one to pray to The Almighty of my well-being? Because you know, I am certain that I managed to land a new job due to some people's prayers. Yo guys, I landed a good offer from the latest interview. I told you how determined I was to get a good offer. I did, despite my nervousness. I reminded myself to only speak of the truth and always be honest. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. So, I'm starting at a new environment soon. I have been patient and I will always have patience. "It is passion that drives you," I told my boss. Unknowingly, tears ran down my cheeks as I was adding "I really have big dreams, sir" at the end of our conversation. That was the time I saw the softest part of him. Ever since I was in school, I have heard many people saying I'm good, I did a good job, I have bright future ahead of me, I have potentials; all sorts of those pep talks and...

It's 3.55 a.m. on an early Friday morning. I've been strugglin g to sleep since the past couple of hours. I fell asleep past 9 and woke up right after midnight. Ohh, hey there! Long time no see! Pardon my absence, would you? It was so hard to continue writing when all I had in thought for the past months was leaving the job. Tonight, I realized how it heavily affected me and the gravity of it changed me as a person. One of the changes that made me proud was I managed to stand up for myself. If you hadn't known yet, no one will stand up for you. No matter how close you are to your colleagues, how much you helped each other, trust me, they will not back you up. Everyone is busy attending their own mess and ass. Just so, I learned to be bolder and honest. I don't prefer to be reminded of the reasons I cried, fell sick and got stressed out. We can talk (if you want to hear about it) over coffee so we'll leave that out for now ya. Anyway, I went to an interview l...

I got home from work later than usual. I put down my things and burst into tears. I don't know why I'm still crying now. I really don't like where I am at the moment. I feel I'm just being used by many people. I don't like myself now. How much I fought, I was brought down still. I sounded rude when all I did was to defend myself. I don't like to talk in a bad manner. I don't know how to be a hypocrite. When did I become this weak? Come on, this is me talking. I was never like this before. I feel so lonely as if I'm all alone although I'm not. Maybe. I cannot tolerate this anymore. I hate it so much. I want to go home so badly. Now I'm getting a headache out of all this. I hate it tremendously.