Mencari Katarsis

Assalamualaikum and hi there. I hope you're doing great. To start off, I actually have a bunch of friends who happen to be concerned of me not working at the moment. Aside from family, I mean. In a good way, I'm glad. I'll be having my convocation in two weeks. I know I'll finish degree eventually but I didn't realised it would come this soon. Degree life is great. Enjoyed every bit of it. I miss going to classes, field and everything. After four years, I still love the fact that I got to learn something very different from what I was taught in school. I remember those small parts where I was silly in front of my crush, happily learning something new, dumb during exams, sad for my project and loved by friends. I would never ask for another chance to repeat because this memory alone is enough for me to cherish all my life. A year ago, I would have think that I've passed the learning stage of my life at this moment. However, the presence is not as it seemed a y...

Assalamualaikum. During these few months, I can say that I actually am starting to figure out what I want to do with my life but, I am losing it tonight. I feel lost and the path that I'd want to walk through seems blurry. I thought I had this in my mind these few weeks. A single touch from outside made me rethink of my life all over again. Why? There are times when people urge and limit you to grow. These people, despite the fact that they don't know you well, think that they know you. They think you can do what they asked you to. But the more important point is, they think you want to do what they asked you to. Giving you not a chance to say no, you had to agree because you haven't quite mastered the skill to refuse (which you had for a while back then). And the blame is on you. I once grasped the true meaning of "You and I are not the same". I am praying so hard that I won't let go of this sentence. Also today, I feel deeply disappointed in an old frie...

Benarkan aku berbicara Untuk malam ini sahaja. Malam ini Biarlah walau kata-kataku hanya helah untukku menyampaikan prosa Yang aku atur susunannya agar tidakku dipersoal Tentang kemuliaan dan hak ideaku. Taulan, Malam ini Kau dan aku punya satu perasaan yang serupa Tetapi jangan kita khuatir Terhadap suatu baris kata yang kita bina Lengkap bersaksikan gambaran impian dan harapan Dalam hati-hati kita. Malam ini Aku suka kau dan aku masih seperti dulu Kau masih releven dengan bicaraku Dan aku masih mengiyakan kata-katamu Namun kita langsung tidak tersekat pada masa lalu. Taulan, Malam ini Izinkan aku mengatakan sejujurnya Bahawa aku sudah langsung lupa tentang kegagalanku Kerana aku lebih daripada tahu Kau enggan memperingatkanku akan duka lalu. Sizurya, Seremban, 15 September 2017.     P/s : Mungkin siri #10 adalah antara yang istimewa. Kita nantikan apa yang bakal jari-jemariku terjemahkan.

Assalamualaikum. It is the 1st of September. I've presented my internship report two weeks ago, finished my internship a month ago, came back from Ireland four months ago, ended my last semester 7 months ago and it all seems like ages have passed. Since I'm mostly alone nowadays, I have been thinking quite a lot. For instance, when have I not been thinking? I've been thinking of what I want to really do. Dozens of ideas circulate my mind till this moment. One moment I'd like to become this, the next I feel I'm incapable and suddenly I don't feel like doing anything. Should I have these uncertainties at this age? Or shouldn't I? Once I dm-ed QJ a question that went "How do you know you wanted to do what you're doing now?". He replied "I didn't. My life is full of trials and errors." I haven't got the chance to really put all these ideas and thoughts into words; to start holding a pen and scratch on paper. Maybe it is just m...

Today is your birthday, Homie. I have known you for a very long time. No matter what our age is and will be, minus it by 6. That's how long you've been in my life. Personally, I deeply wish you'd be in my life forever. Before, I was someone who has low confidence and honestly, I looked up to you in gaining this much confidence to face people. You have that I-really-don't-give-a-damn mindset; I hope you practice it all the time. Don't mind toxic people. I know you more than them. Please stay healthy. I worry about you but I know you'll keep it together. I really hope you'll eventually get rid of your insecurities. Don't be scared. You are strong enough to face this again. I always love you, Na.

Assalamualaikum.   I have started writing this post exactly a month ago. The only reason I'm writing this beforehand is so that I will remember to put in whatever I want here. After all, I won't get to write as much as I want after this. I will surely make myself busy. I want to live like there's no tomorrow.  Today is my 23rd birthday. I have never felt more alive and human than I do now. At 22, I experienced myself being insane, bold, clumsy and wise all at the same time. I am glad that I feel content now. 2017 is a year that taught me all the lessons I'll be needing in life summed up is a phrase; be wise. My life has been great and blessed. I love my family and friends very much that I wouldn't risk doing stupid things to lose them.  Love, in the other hand, still remains a mystery at 23. My time will ultimately come. Awaiting with patience surely doesn't kill me. No mistakes can be undone. In order to fix one, a lot of effort is required. That...

Love is something that can never be expressed directly from mouth to mouth. Either you feel or you experience it. Family, along the way supplies you with endless love you can never run out of. No matter what your family condition is, remember if you still have someone to call family, act like one. Anyway, this Aidilfitri was the kind that brought me much happiness. I don't know why but I feel content now. I really miss some friends now. "Kalau rindu, whatsapp lah," someone said. I know they might be busy and I might be disturbing so, maybe later. I'm sending a 'Missing You' signal through telepathy. Haha. I wish you happiness too. Whoever you are, you truly deserve a shot of joy. "Bersyukurlah kerana mungkin kita bahagia disebabkan doa orang sekeliling," kata seorang sahabat.