Mencari Katarsis

Of all the moments I had hoped to be beside you, yesterday was the strongest. You, my best friend, are the most contented person I have ever known my entire life. I wish for serenity to surround you and grief to reside in the deepest ocean of your heart. Do not forget or even try to. It was a beautiful memory and a heartfelt presence. I have all my love for you; anytime, any circumstances and free of charge for I know more than anything that you would definitely, undoubtedly do the same for me too.

It reminds me of the same incident that happened around this time a year ago. I deeply hoped I won't be hearing the words that brought me fear when I picked up the phone. But no, if it's meant for you, it is meant for you. Let us be reminded that certain things were not ours in the first place. And this feeling I have now, to be honest, is bursting from inside. I want and need to talk to someone about it but I am not allowed to. Therefore Ya Rabb, I depend on You and You only. Please ease our grief.

Dua hari lalu, kau buatkan aku seakan dilambung-lambung di antara langit dan bumi. Aku seolah-olah terawang-awangan dan langsung aku terbayang-bayang dipermainkan perasaan sendiri. Namun, tidak sedikitpun kau sedar akan kesan dek kata-katamu itu. Malah, kau bangga dengan omong kosong yang kau ucap. Tanpa makna, tiada ketulusan. Pantas aku sedari bahawa aku hanyalah kekosongan yang diisi saat ruang lain sudah dipenuhi. Kini, aku mati akal memikirkan asbab perbuatanmu terhadapku. Untuk itu, aku kembali membencimu.