All I Ask

Last year, I had a great heartbreak. I was extremely far from family and it was cold. One of my backbones ignored my video calls and voice calls because I know, she was angry at me. But I was so far from home and family meant only two persons that time. It took me two weeks to open up to them. So I told them and they were speechless. Literally. None came to comfort me or sorts but I definitely understood that as all of us were far from home. We had different issues to handle from far. You see, distance really puts people apart so we do need extra effort to connect.I listened to All I Ask quite many times back then. I memorized the lyrics so well I sang it almost every few days. I was there for ten weeks. I cried a few times but my most heartbreaking cry was under the covers. I wrote a promise to myself that time that I will not be easily broken anymore."If this is my last night with you"So, my dearest, I can completely understand your sadness. I cannot grasp your situation a…

Yesterday, I've had enough.

Honestly, I've been asked to do various stuff since the past six months. Many of those weren't on the previous deal signed by both parties and I can't say they were on the current deal; I haven't seen and signed any black and white confirmation deal at all. In fact, five months have passed since my so-called confirmation date. Excuses by excuses were given to me and I'm running out of patience and "Okay kak" replies.I am totally fed up with the overlapping instructions given by different people. They are not my boss but somehow knows what he'll do. I tried to squeeze some conscience in between the instructions but they took out the common sense in me. Most of them lack the Listening Vitamin. Everyone plays the blaming game well. Lies after lies, everything seems to be hanging loosely on a single thread. So unethical. One favourite habit of the people here is using the Big Boss' name to scare staffs and workers. Coward."You'll be the one t…

A sorrowful sky.

I feel so sad today. I cannot remember the last time I cried this much. Five hours have passed but tears are still pouring out. It's as if someone steps on a flower I've planted with care. I just want to curl up my bed and disregard this. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Am I wrong to harbour a dream? Oh, please tell me what do I do now.I have such fragile heart indeed. I hate this feeling so much.

Often, at times

Often, at times I feel an urge to resume writing. I've left these spaces unattended for far too long. I used to write whenever I had free time and in fact, I managed to free my time to write. Now, I'm losing my dearest passion I had in me since I was in school. It's all due to the dryness I experienced everyday. I was lethargic these past few weeks, barely had any rest during the day. Got back home and slept for a few hours straight. Sometimes, I skipped dinner to only wake up the next morning and redo yesterday. That's why most of the time I wish to have a company, far or near that I can talk or text to. Many times, just resembling a zombie.

I always have this way of thinking in which youth is a period of life I shouldn't be wasting away, doing things I dislike. I don't want to be working my body off and sooner be struck of the fact that I have repeatedly denied; I'm hating this job. I don't want to be forty and mocking what I do daily, loathing my bos…

Hey, it's the 10th of July again.


Honestly, I have no other things to say here than my work as it involves 80% of my daily activities. Working is a great thing for me as now I have money, saving and no restriction to buy anything that I desire. I have learned the basics of mushroom growing, removing the fact that I knew nothing about this type of farming six months ago. I know I learned a lot. I know I'm capable of planting but to fulfill the sales demand, it's another thing.

I'm starting to dislike what I do daily. I fairly get a hands-on at growing because there are so many other workers that will do it for you. We don't farm like that here too. Machinery, systems and computers take over the rough jobs and basically, what I need to do is observe and monitor. I don't like observing and monitoring when I cannot have a say in the tasks.

I guess people change and I change too. I still remember that I entered this field of work with one purpose; to improve myself so that I can eventu…

This will make me remember


It has been a while since my last casual post. I am now working five and a half days per week. I get up around 5.30 every morning, leave from work around 4 in the evening and fall asleep anytime I want because I basically don't have a life, as of now. I've been jogging for a week now as I badly need to change my situation. During weekdays, my social life revolves around the only housemate I talk to because the others just don't talk. On some Wednesday nights, I watch movies with colleagues because it's cheaper on Wednesdays. These are the reasons why I anticipate weekends so much as I get to see real people. To see my family is a must. It's a priority I've been taught to obey. I don't get to see my friends so often these days that I keep missing all those conversation we had.

Yesterday, I acted as a translator for a manager in my farm (side note: I truly hate it when people here call this place a factory) when she was called by our boss. Ac…

You have all my love

Of all the moments I had hoped to be beside you, yesterday was the strongest.
You, my best friend, are the most contented person I have ever known my entire life. I wish for serenity to surround you and grief to reside in the deepest ocean of your heart. Do not forget or even try to. It was a beautiful memory and a heartfelt presence.
I have all my love for you; anytime, any circumstances and free of charge for I know more than anything that you would definitely, undoubtedly do the same for me too.