Thursday, May 25, 2017

Venting anger

Let me vent my anger here for a while as I find this medium the most suitable now.

Profesionalisme itu dipupuk sedari fasa hidup sebagai pelajar. Itu yg dinamakan belajar. Kalau salah, belajar yg betul. Kalau betul, ambil iktibar. Kalau tak tahu, tanya. Kalau tak suka, suarakan dengan betul.

Ada cara yg betul untuk suarakan ketidakpuasan diri, pandangan dan perbezaan pendapat. Cara ini dinamakan adab. Orang yg lebih tua dan majikan kau lebih-lebih lagi mesti nak yg terbaik dalam pekerjaan. Sampai bila nak gunakan alasan "introvert"? Lapuk dah wei.

Ni sampai mak aku pun tegur aku. Mak aku risau betul pasal kerja ni. Bodoh ke aku kalau tak reti nak sound kau? Aku pun bukan tak reti sebenarnya. Aku tak suka buang masa. Ego tak boleh usik.

Aku sangat tak suka apabila prestasi aku dikaitkan dengan orang lain secara profesional. Aku tahu cara aku bekerja. Aku tak kata aku mahir sebab aku masih belajar. Sekarang prestasi aku dikaitkan dengan kau yg memang tak ambil kisah langsung pada hemat aku. Seolah-olah aku terikat dengan kau. Apa sial? Nasib baik dia bijak nak bezakan aku dengan kau.

Berubahlah. Kalau dalam fasa ni semua orang yg berpangkat lebih tinggi tegur kau, cubalah fikir apa yg kurang betul tentang diri sendiri. Rendahkan ego tu untuk faham daripada perspektif orang lain. Ni asyik nak fikir perspektif kau je. Bagi aku tindakan ni pentingkan diri lah.

Dunia macam ni lah. Semua orang nak tahu apa yg dia nak tahu je. Kau pun nak buat apa yg kau nak buat je. Kau takde pulak tanya pandangan aku.

Kecoh ah lu. Lu yg setuju dulu.

Siapa suruh ikut aku. Kau nak ikut aku kau kejar. Aku takde masa nak usung kau. Aku cepat sedar lah. Aku sedih dan sakit hati juga tetapi aku takde masa nak melayan perasaan lah. Kau bukannya pertahankan aku pun dulu.

Grow up lah wei. Welcome to the career world where no one cares about your feelings.

"You cannot expect people would do good to you if you don't even treat them good."

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

If I could see your face once more

Assalamualaikum.

Currently, I'm a full-time intern at Labis, Johor. Sometimes, I barely got time to rest. The surroundings here was welcoming at first but as we went week by week, I sincerely hope this phase would end faster.

I came here with a thought that I could challenge myself. Be it social interaction to work ethics. I know I could learn much here. What I didn't expect was the working environment. It's frustrating when you're still working at night and meddling with discussions that put you in an inferior situation. You're not in the position to question some things but when you do, no one wants to listen. How downgraded are interns, especially when you looked like you don't know a thing.

Working with different types of people can really broaden your views. It's confusing at times but most of the time, you have no choice but to follow orders even though they are wrongly made. You have no voice in the decision-making stage at all. That happens when you are workers. What's the point of asking for your opinions but they don't consider yours at all?

I've done trying to stay in safe mode. I will just let my opinions, questions and suggestions out freely. As rational as I am, I will have answers for myself prepared beforehand.

Anyhow, these three weeks pass in a blink of an eye. From now onwards, I know exactly where I want to be.
Nearby reality.


P/s : Even though we didn't stand a chance, I deeply wish the best for you now.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

A letter to my best friend #3

Assalamualaikum.

Even though it has been a few months since we parted, I know you were waiting for our return patiently. Things were very hard these few months. However, realising the fact that you were with me through those ups and downs, I felt at ease.

This letter will be filled with a bunch of 'I's and 'You's. In this world of 'I's and 'You's, I'd like you to know I absolutely enjoyed our time together. Sometimes, when there was too much of 'I's, I did try to allow some 'You's.

I adore you at the times when you didn't know what to do and how to do things but in the end, you finished the task perfectly. You are far more capable than what you imagined. Just so you know, you're brilliant and you deserve to feel brilliant.

I hope you find your way no matter what. I know you will, I'm telling you just so you know.

Whenever you feel lost, I'd like you to remember that you've saved my phone number years ago and it won't kill to make a call. I've time and I surely have some for you. Expressing my love for you isn't a hard thing to do, it's just so cheesy hehe.

Take care, love. See you in August.


Syzurya,
Labis, Johor,
14th May 2017.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Untuk malam ini sahaja #8

Benarkan aku berbicara
Untuk malam ini sahaja.

Deruan hujan bukanlah titisan
Kerlipan kilat bukanlah mentari
Dentuman guruh sekadar peneman.

Malam ini
Kurasakan ruang-ruang kosong yang mengisi hati semakin jelas tiang-tiang serinya
Bilik-bilik suram yang menghuni teratak jiwa tiada berpenunggu
Alur-alur yang bertampungkan habuk dan debu
Nyata terdiam kaku.

Malam ini
Kusedari lengkok-lengkok hidup ini kian berpusar pada satu paksi
Jalan ini bukanlah lurus lagi malah bersimpang-siur
Sesat tanpa pedoman dan pimpinan.

Malam ini
Kuharap esok kan ketemu dikau yang jauh
Kan kukenali dikau yang misteri
Kuhadiahi pena buat mencoret
Sebaris hikmah rindu dalam warkah sayu
Pada yang mengerti.

Syzurya,
Seremban,
4 Mei 2017; 2.47 pagi.