Thursday, April 13, 2017

Rough day for my emotions


It has been a while since I wrote about things happening in my surroundings. You see, I was busy living. So as I'm writing now, I'm a bit distracted from life.

It's April 12th, half past nine in the evening. I'm living with three old friends and two new friends. This is family, currently. I regard this bunch as family. I'll be back in 18 days.

You see. People can get so honest when you know them very well. When you know others well, you'll just find out the very honest side of them. And little did you realise that you're exposing your innerself to them too.

Some just ignore, disregard and reject what others think of them. I understand that is just their way but you see (again), try to be conscious. A little, at least. Take what you can, leave what you can't. It won't kill you to do so. It's stupid when others have to bear their ears and listen to the bad things people say about you and not say them to you directly because they care about you (or worried that you'll take it as an insult because they think you're selfish or retard to not be able to think or something). I realised that I don't want people to think about you that way. I love you but you see, I'm getting worn out.

I just learnt that I'm a very predictable person and easily predicted by those who know me well. To my conscience, it never crossed my mind to do bad towards others. Purposely. Never in a million years. Never to the people I know. Never to go against my belief and what I've been taught since young.

I said to myself, "Kau belum hidup, Zuriani". Things don't go smooth when you expect people would do what you do to them in return. I've seen just a small bit of "life". Back home can even be scarier. People you don't know, people you just know can break you and all the relationships you have. That is why I have to be extra careful not to take what other people say to heart. Take the good, leave out the bad. I'm still learning, you see.

If to you I look so innocent and decent, you just don't know the real me. Try me once and I'll show you.

P/s : I don't know my limit yet. Maybe my limit is when I pass out. Ya maybe.

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